life // deathi think most of us go through our lives, not really thinking about what we do on a daily basis. the truth is, our actions, thoughts, words, and even music we listen to, shape us much more than we care to believe. you can breed life... or you can breed death...
i'll be the first to admit, as if it isn't already painfully obvious so, that i've been breeding death alot more than life. much of it is a result of direct consequences of the breakup... like... you want to play? FINE. i can play too. say what? i lack drive and ambition? i'll SHOW you drive and ambition. it's a never ending cycle of "getting back" at each other, and ultimately leads me down the road which i feel He doesn't want me to go.
i was tempted to hook up with some random girls, non-christians, in a tit-for-tat move which seemed perfectly fine and logical to me. what did i have to lose anyway? there isn't anything left to lose anymore.
and then it finally hit me... that this whole chasing of HER ideals was retarded. i'd much rather save myself for the next proper relationship, and do it the right way this time. no more tit-for-tat moves... i've unknowingly let her become me. i'd much rather just be me... and slowly start to breed life again.
don't worry i'm not gonna suddenly become some super holy freak, drinks are still on ANYTIME for all heh =)
